An Ode to Candy Crush

Facebook is a beautiful thing.  First there was Xanga and live journal, then came Tom and Myspace, but it wasn't until Facebook that the real explosion happened.  Vine, Pinterest, Twitter all have Facebook to thank for their creation because although Facebook wasn't the first, the originator, it was the blossom that social media needed to create and expand.  It has so many uses from games to notes, from friends to event planning, Facebook can do it all.  In terms of speech, what took FDR years to create with his Fireside chats can now be accomplished with a few Facebook posts and a vine video.  Language and the access to language have never been this close.  Revolutions have been planned on Facebook; surprise bachelor parties too.  Facebook has achieved so much in its short lifetime.  But of course there are downfalls.

The biggest downfall is not the addiction.  Many people who are addicted to Facebook waste countless hours playing Candy Crush and "liking" every post in sight.  People who are addicted to Facebook spend hours crafting messages and posts to disagreeable status's and think that they're argument will make a difference.  But the addiction, and you bet it's an addiction, isn't the problem.  It's the productively it creates or better put it reduces.  By productivity I don't just mean the hours wasted, I mean how productivity happens outside of Facebook.  Too much Facebook causes memory problems, sight problems, and behavior problems (of course too much of anything can cause that).  But as a fellow addict, I know that too much time on Facebook has left me to be more judgmental, to quick to argue rather than listen.  It has changed my attention span and it has made my mind and my body lazy.  So I need a break.  

I decided to create a little post about Facebook not as a warning, but as a reminder.  I won't stop using it forever and I will still play Candy Crush, but in order to focus on what matters most, personally and professionally, I need a little break.  So effective immediately I'm offline. I've got a laundry list of things to accomplish and I'm off Facebook until they are done, not started, done.  I need to write the rough draft of my thesis, complete a professional dramaturgical packet, Write six PhD applications, study for the GRE, Take the GRE, write five abstracts for conferences, and teach, grade, and write for my classes.  Once these things are accomplished (which for me could be two weeks) I will go back to playing Candy Crush.  But for someone who uses Facebook as much as I do, two weeks, three, four, might feel like a lifetime (I'm sure some of you might feel the same way).  So I thought I would get a head start on all that I'll miss.  

To Jon Stoner, Charlie Freeman, Chandra, Kate Stone, Cory Brannaman, Skyler, Connor, Rachel Blackburn, Ross Freeman, Joe Obermuller, Ben Klaus, Rachel Harding and so many more.  Happy Birthday!  Congratulations on getting one year older.  I'm sure that this came as no surprise but congrats on being alive.  Good for you.  Much Love.  

To Dan Anderson.  Insert obligatory response to something you said criticizing the Democrats (i'm sure you were wrong). We'll go tat for tat until eventually I'll throw in a non-sequitor like "Bananas are the fruit of the German people."  I'm sure I'll get irrationally angry and your status will have 50 posts.  Congrats on the new relationship you sly dog and don't forget that it was your fault for making it so nonchalant.  I'm sure the Giants will make the playoffs and lose in round 1 (But if for some reason they end up playing the Nationals, call me and I'll come up for a game).  

To Cory Brannaman, Hew Boardrow, Taylor Clouse, and Michael Noble.  I guess you'll have to like someone else's status about the Hawks winning or blowing a game.  

To Zechariah.  Irish Win.

To all the theatre goers and participants, congrats, I'm sure your show was great and I wish I could've been there.  

To the random celebrity who will undoubtedly die in the next month.  RIP.  As the great Bob hope once said…..(insert famous line by another dead person in tribute to the now recently deceased).

To the horrific news story that comes out.  I called it.

To the heartwarming story.  Thanks, I agree, and ooo look at the kitty.

To the random movie post on my wall.  Bruce Willis was dead the whole time and Cloud Atlas is a better movie than you give it credit.  

To the next random challenge.  The songs that have most impacted my life are as follows:  Sympathy for the Devil (Rolling Stones), We Don't Eat (James Vincent McMorrow), Knocked Up (Kings of Leon), Iris (Goo Goo Dolls), When the Levee Breaks (Led Zeppelin), Demons (Imagine Dragons), Smooth (Santana), Fortunate Son (CCR), He Lives in You (Broadway Lion King), For Good (Wicked).

To the movies that are coming out.  Gone Girl was great.  Pride was better than expected.  This is Where I leave you was funny but ultimately disappointing.  

To the new season of TV.  Scandal did WHAT?

TO the political debacle of the month.  Don't worry Dan Anderson will undoubtedly say something about it.  Read his status and then expect I would've said the opposite.  

To Noel.  The new pictures are beautiful.

To VCU theatre graduate students.  No, alas, I will miss water aerobics once again…

To the random new funny meme.  You're not that funny.

Go PACK GO.  The Cubs didn't lose 100 games this year and screw the Bears.  

And to everything and everything else, here are a few statuses to hold you over in my absence:

"Studying for the GRE.  It Sucks"

"Insert Pun joke here"

"Jasmine Hammond is a boss and should never forget it."

"The NFL has no moral compass."

"Random aphorism that when you read it, you feel it some how relates to you, and you like it."

" Something inspiring that I wrote, but undoubtedly, has, too many commas,"

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If you need me, Call or text.

I'll miss you Candy Crush.