Wednesday, June 29, 2016

This Week in Meaningless Sport Betting: The Hot Dog Eating Championship

This year marks the 100 year anniversary of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest (although really the 40th).  According to local legend, four immigrants had a Hot Dog eating contest in 1916 to decide which one was the most patriotic, although that legend is up for debate.  The competition heated up in the 70’s and became more internationally known with the inclusion of the IFOCE, the International Federation of Competitive Eating, in 1997.  Now all competitions, usually about 20 per year are required to be card carrying members of the IFOCE.  
The event is not without it’s fair share of controversy.  In 1999, Competitor Steve Kainer was caught on camera eating half of his first dog before competition began, but the judges never saw it and he was awarded the championship.  Also in 2003 attempts were made for a celebrity edition starring William "the Refrigerator" Perry, but after he failed to complete his sixth dog, the idea was quickly abandoned.  

In 2001, Takeru Kobayashi took home the championship catapulting the event to new levels of international acclaim.  He would go on to hold the belt for six years before the eight year reign of Joey Chestnut.  Kobayashi almost lost his title in 2007 when known around the IFOCE the Roman Method Incident, more commonly known as vomiting, nearly cost him disqualification. Last year, in an All American final, Matt Stonie took away Chestnut’s belt winning 62-60 in a ten minute bout.

There are multiple different strategies used by the competitors today.  Kobayashi invented the Solomon method, where a competitor breaks the dog in half, eats, and then eats the bun.  Other methods include the Carlene Pop, the Buns & Roses, which both include movement and of course “Julieting” which only occurs when a competitor cheats and throws the buns over their shoulder.  

This year looks at fierce competition between defending Champion Matt Stonie and eight time champ Joey Chestnut.  Current odds see Stonie as the favorite with Stonie at -130 and Chestnut at -110.  Originally you could’ve gotten Chestnut at +135, which is where I took him.  Chestnut is 32 years old and owns plenty of world records including 12.8 lbs of deep fried Asparagus in 10 minutes, 13.76 lbs of pork rib meat in 12, and 141 hard boiled eggs in eight minutes.  He also has the current Nathan record with 69.  For years he has complained of not having a true rival, but now he does.  Also before last years competition he was getting over his fiancee breaking up with him.  I believe the extra year gave him time to reflect and considering that 62 dogs was the winning total last year and Chestnut has overtaken said number 5 times in championship competition; the safe bet is with the underdog. 

On this weekend’s episode we will look at the Munster Senior Championship in Gaelic Football between Kerry and Tipperary.  Kerry features as a gigantic favorite, but we will discuss if Tipperary is worth a few dollars at +1000 odds.    

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

I'm Not Okay

Yesterday, a friend asked me, “How are you doing,” and I replied, “I’m fine,” but of course I’m not fine.  Rarely when someone says they’re fine do they actually mean it.  I wish I would’ve said how I really felt.  How the mess of the world makes me feel small and scared and alone.  I wish I would’ve said, “I’m not okay,” because, I’m not.  

I’m not okay with what happened in Florida
I’m not okay with our reaction to that tragedy
I’m not okay with the anger I feel
I’m not okay with the country I live in

I’m not okay that a man can waltz into a nightclub and kill forty-nine people
  that he can do so with a gun that serves no legal purpose other than death
  that he can claim ISIS and with it take away his victim’s identities
I’m not okay that Fox news can mourn the loss of forty-nine Americans, but not the loss of forty-nine LGBT Americans.

I’m not okay when hypocrites dictate American Policy
   when politicians mourn LGBT lives while working tirelessly to wipe their existence off the face of the Earth
   when news agencies use tragedies to tout their ratings and applaud their anchors
           when I’m not surprised

I’m not okay with Second Amendment worshippers 
I’m not okay with illogical arguments based on a lack of historical perspective
   with there being enough guns to give every American man, woman, and child a firearm
   with shoot first, ask questions later
I’m not okay with “from my cold, dead hands” being a rallying cry rather than a warning
I’m not okay with people remembering Adam Lanza’s name, but forgetting Vicki Soto's
     with the NRA having more political power than the President
I’m not okay with that gun on your belt

I’m not okay when an attack on the LGBT community becomes a secondary headline
I’m not okay when an attack on the LGBT community becomes fodder for a terrorism debate
  when an attack on the LGBT community becomes a bigot’s get out of jail free card
  when an attack on the LGBT community becomes a two-day story

But that’s not all

I’m not okay that we cringe for the first Female Candidate
I’m not okay that we condemn her for emails, while a fraud and racist dances free
I’m not okay that her imperfections ring louder than all the other men before her
I’m not okay that we’ve accepted our role in watching this witch burning

I’m not okay with six month penalties for “20 minute crimes”
  with band aids for bruises that will never heal
  with judges representing perpetrators over victims
I’m not okay with one out of every six women

It’s not okay that I can raise my hands in class, but change my location and skin color and I’ll be shot
It’s not okay that Ferguson has become a bad word rather than a revolution
It’s not okay that we fight arguments over headlines rather than facts
It’s not okay that “I have a dream” is now just a hashtag

It’s not okay when my students can tell me why the Kardashians matter but not why the Civil War was fought
   when we laugh at Senators with snowballs, but do nothing to stop their ignorance
It’s not okay when revolutions must be started by artists rather than leaders 
   when we care about being right now rather than being right.  

It’s not okay that our public grief can be summed up by a temporary profile picture
It’s not okay that guns don’t kill people; Americans do
It’s not okay that we’re accustomed to tragedy 
It’s not okay that Orlando won’t be the last one

I’m not okay with my American pulse because my heart has been shot to shit

So if you see me and ask me, “How are you doing?”  I’ll answer clearly and succinctly, “I’m fine"