Christmas

In 1818, Franz Gruber along with a young priest, Father Joseph Mohr celebrated their Christmas Mass by creating a song known simply as Silent Night.  Since its creation the song has been translated and recorded in 140 different languages in all sorts of musical genres.  The song was created to celebrate the lord on the holiday of Christmas.  Little did the creators realize, but the song would serve a drastically different purpose nearly 100 years later.  

When the first World War began neither side believed it would go on for very long, but just six months after it had began over 1,000,000 lives had been lost and all sides were entrenched.  In the week leading up to Christmas, both British and German (and a few French) soldiers began softening their stances.  Some talked to each other and even the occasional soldier ventured out.  This led to the one unofficial ceasefire of the war.  On Christmas Eve and Christmas day soldiers from both the German and British trenches went out into "No Man's Land" along the Western Front and celebrated Christmas together.  A few days in which fighting would cease and light frivolity would ensue.  Together they buried their dead, swapped stories, exchanged gifts, and a little football was played.  Even some singing was recorded.  Since neither side spoke the same language only one song was recognized by both troops; Silent Night was sung and celebrated for a night in which not a single gun was fired.  It was truly silent.  

Today when I celebrate Christmas I think first of this story.  I think that even in the horrific trials of war that humanity still manages to seep out.  I don't try to trivialize the importance of the Christmas Truce of 1914 by relating to my own life, but merely think about the power that one song, one holiday can have on a people.  

When I was a child I never truly appreciated the 'meaning' of Christmas.  I know that some of my friends would say that the 'meaning' of Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, but this is not the 'meaning' I am speaking of.  I do not believe in the religious affiliations attributed to Christmas, but I do appreciate and celebrate the spirituality of the holiday, and I do mean the divine spirituality that opens its heart to humanity.  

I had a very difficult childhood.  It was filled with alcoholism, loss, despair, absence, and sadness, but it also had bright moments of clear happiness.  One of those occurrences was always on Christmas.  The presents, the food, the watching of A Christmas Story, and of course a hearty game of Monopoly all were pastimes in the Freeman/Swanson residence.  Those are fond memories.  Of days filled with joy.  Of cats running through and eating the wrapping paper and of tables piled high with meats and potatoes.  But from those days my fondest memory was not of the food, the tree, the presents, or the games.  The movies or the stockings.  What I remember most, and miss the most is my family.  Despite the problems of our year, Christmas was a time where all of that seemed to disappear.  Perhaps I was naive and we were just putting out problems under the rug to be taken out the next day, but I choose to remember days filled with laughter, with joy, and with hope.  

Those days are distant memories.  My parents are divorced and remarried.  My uncle has a wonderful wife of his own and my siblings and I have grown up and moved to different sides of the country with different friends and different terms for 'family'.  Each Christmas I try something different whether it be time in South Carolina, Chicago, or this year in Arizona.  I develop new traditions and try new things.  In my own way I am still trying to find out what this new world holds for me in terms of family.  I find myself drifting off into memories of the past.  Unlike the soldiers of WWI, my 'war' has ended, but my Christmas have changed.  

All of this is meant to say that Christmas doesn't make me sad, it just doesn't make me feel the same way I used to.  But I feel as though as time goes by that, for me, Christmas is not a holiday.  It is a state of being.  It is a way to live your life.  For Christians, it is a way for you to honor your savior by giving thanks and celebrating him daily.  For me, it is a way to always be with my family.  My brother, sister, father, and mother will always be my family, but this change has opened my eyes to realize what was there all along.  My family is not just my blood.  Many of you are my family.  I brought one of those new family members, Ann, down to Arizona with me.  And for all the rest, when I see you, we will celebrate our Christmas.

My Christmas's are now unchartered territory, but as I stare out into the starry Arizona sky, I think that this silent night brings more adventures, more traditions, and most importantly more family.  And I am thankful for that.  

Merry Christmas to all of you who make my life truly spectacular.  

~Grant

Ten guarantees for the upcoming NFL Season

AKA My Picks for the Record.

Once again the NFL season starts anew and with it the hopes and dreams of 30 teams, 1500+ players, and millions of fans.  Well make an amendment to that, perhaps 29 teams, the Jaguars just suck.  Inevitably, hundreds of "experts" will be making their selections for the season and so, in order to not look like (or look like) a fool, I shall tender my own.  Ten guarantees for 2013.  And the Vikings suck.

1.  Carolina, Oakland, and Jacksonville Suck

Currently, not a single game has been played, not a point tallied, or a score sheet filled and already these three teams have been knocked out of the playoffs.  Carolina has no offensive players at skill positions (excluding Cam Newton), Oakland hasn't got a quarterback or an O-Line, and Jacksonville is a combination of both mixed with no defense either.  By seasons end, Ron Rivera, Blaine Gabbert, and Terrelle Pryor will all be unemployed.  

2.  Those teams who you thought were good?  They aren't.

Many of the teams on this list have A+ talent, many have individual talent that is better than anyone on a winning  team, but inevitable one individual does not a team make and failure will be out in full force for many teams this year.  Minnesota, Tampa Bay, St. Louis, Cleveland, and Buffalo (duh) all have commanding leaders including AP, Revis, (I lied about St. Louis having a leader), Richardson, and Spiller.  However, each of these five haven't got a quarterback.  For those of you who think rookie quarterbacks will have a year like last year, think again.  Also, 2.5 Tavon Austin (STL) will win offensive ROY.  And the Vikings suck.

3.  Those teams who are picked to be good?  They aren't.

There are many teams that are perennial winners and many that are being picked as grand upset and upstart teams.  But not everyone can be right.  Andy Reid is a good coach in Kansas City but as a team it will take more than one off season to build chemistry.  Tennessee(7-9), no surprise here.  Locker, who I watched in college isn't a star quality QB1.  Loggains is a poor OC for a QB like Locker and Britt/Johnson are over the hill.   Now how about a few popular teams?  Pittsburgh, will not make the playoffs.  They are hurting at RB, have lost a great deal on D, and Roethlisberger has lost velocity.  Chicago.  Simple, I don't believe in Jay Cutler.   Indianapolis.  Most QBs go through a Sophomore slump but few are predicting this will happen for Luck, I am not so sure.  And, Miami.  (By the way the Vikings Suck)  I know that they are a favorite pick for many, but Tannehill just isn't the QB for me.  With Keller out for the year and Wallace losing a step since Pittsburgh, I cannot see the other pick ups of Ellerbe and Grimes making the difference.  I do think New England is down this year, but the division will be a cake walk.  

4.  Surprising teams

San Diego will challenge the Broncos.  I am not willing to say that they will contend, but they will challenge.  Looking at their schedule I see them going 8-8, if not 9-7 and challenging for the 2nd Wild Card.  Hell, I'm picking them for the second Wild Card.  This would be my upset for the year.  

Baltimore won't be as bad as they are predicted to be.  The loss of Dennis Pitta is huge, arguably larger than the loss of Lewis or any of their free agents.  Their D is still strong and they have the dual backs in Pierce and Rice.  They will make the playoffs.  

Arizona will Contend, but will fail to make a playoff run.  Their real problem won't be improving but having to play San Fran and Seattle.  

5.  The New York Football Jets won't suck.

I have absolutely no proof to back up this statement.  They are in complete disarray, without a solid QB, RB, WR, D line, or pretty much anything.  All I can say is I've got a feeling.

6.  The NFC East is the most competitive division, but NFC West is the best.

Expect another bloody year between the four teams in the East.  The winner will once again come out beaten up and at best with 10 wins.  However, the Seahawks and the Niners are both major contenders for the Superbowl with the Cardinals coming on strong.  They are the best division by talent.  And the Vikings Suck.  

7.  MVP will be Aaron Rodgers.

Partially because I am a Packers fan and partially because, no fuck it, it's entirely because I am a Packers Fan.  

8.  NFC

East: Will be a fight to the finish, but unlike in years past only one team will survive and make the playoffs.  Philly will adapt the Kelly Offense, Romo will be better, and RG III will return with a great year, but the NY Giants will prevail.

North:  Packers, duh.

South:  Atlanta is not as good as they were a year ago, expect the Saints to return to glory again.

West:  Impossible to know.  They have equally great D's, problems with RB, and essentially Sophomore QBs (I know Colin K is in his third year).  I pick the Seahawks.  

Wild Cards:  Contenders will include Atlanta, Detroit, Philly, Washington, and San Francisco.  San Francisco will run away with the first slot and then four teams will battle it out down the stretch.  It will come down to Washington and Atlanta.  And my gut is telling me to go against what I said above in the East and pick Washington.

Playoffs:  1. Seahawks 2. Packers 3. Saints 4. Giants 5. Niners 6. Washington. The Saints take care of Washington and the Niners are upset on the road against the Giants (Seeding it won't be an upset, but it will be a huge upset.)  Packers take out the Giants and the Seahawks dismantle the Saints.  Then is a rematch Golden Tate can't escape the Packers beat the Seahawks on the final drive of the game to win the NFC Championship.

9.  AFC

East: Unfortunately no one will contend.  The Patriots walk away with it.  (Please let this be wrong).

North:  Tough division.  The Bengals, Ravens, and Steelers will duke it out.  I already said I don't like the Steelers this year and the Bengals will live up to the hype, but not that big.  Upset the Ravens take the division crown.

South:  Houston.

West:  Denver, but not as easily as anyone predicts.  

Wild Cards:  The Bengals take it handedly and my upset of the year will be the Chargers.

Playoffs:  1. Broncos 2. Patriots 3. Texans 4. Ravens 5. Bengals 6. Chargers.  The upstart Chargers will scare the Texans in the first half, but will fail to pull off the victory.  In a regular season rematch the Bengals will take out the Ravens.  The Broncos will have an offensive masterpiece and beat the Texans D and the Bengals will upset the Patriots.  Then the favorite pick of the year Broncos will go to the Superbowl.  

10.  SUPERBOWL 

Packers, but are you really surprised?  If they fail I think the Seahawks will make Seattle proud.  And the Vikings suck.  

Seven Movies that Should be Made

Today the major motion picture box office is inundated with the same crap every day.  We get bad sequels to comedies.  Sequels to everything that makes money (only the sequels don't build on anything), and we get reboots.  It seems like there are no new ideas for the major box office winners.  The Master is a brilliant movie with plenty of ingenuity.  It's budget: 32 million.  It's box office: 28 million.  Studios:  Guess that didn't work, lets reboot The Fantastic Four.  With that in mind here is a list of movies that I want to see.  This would have been titled the 8 movies that should be made, but my number one choice has just been cast.  Anyone who is anyone must read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand.  I first heard the story when I was 10, watching the 1998 olympics.  The story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic Runner, who fought in WWII was shot down, captured, and tortured in a Japanese Internment Camp.  I have just heard, however, that Angelina Jolie will be directing the film and has cast a Skins star to play the lead.  I would be worried about a Jolie direction, but the screenwriters are the best in the business, the Coen Brothers.  I am excited.  Here are my other 7 choices. 

1.  Wedding Crashers 2:

Wedding Crashers was a brilliant comedic movie that exists among the sludge of what passes for comedy today.  It was a well-written script, it was well-casted, but most importantly it had great chemistry.  Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson lit up the screen with crafted well-liners, which created comedic dialogue rather than just an amalgamation of an incoherent joke factory; something most comedies do today.  And then the movie was over and each actor had to go their separate ways.  Some dealt with personal issues i.e. Wilson, and some dealt with professional issues i.e. Vaughn with a slew of box office mistakes including Couples Retreat, The Watch, The Dilemma, & Fred Claus.  So naturally the studios wanted to capitalize on the success that brought them hundreds of millions of dollars.  How do we make the same movie?  Well obviously just get these two guys together again.  As anyone who has an IQ above a squirrel knows of course this doesn't work.  The Internship is nothing but a re-hashed group of jokes set in a simplistic plot with terrible writing.  A comedian can make even a bad script funny, at times, but a bad script will always be a bad script.  On the Dan Patrick Show, Vaughn said "We had been waiting for the right script and finally it came to us in The Internship."  While I respect Vaughn for his love of everything Chicago, especially the Cubs, his likability has shrunken into a phony, unrealistic mess, much like the Cubs Season.  This is why we need Wedding Crashers 2.  Most of the time a sequel to a comedy fails miserably with the exception being movies like Ghostbusters 2 and Beverly Hills Cop 2.  But the reason for these downfalls is not because the premise doesn't work, it's because the studios have no desire to make a good film.  Take Chronicle, 2012's found footage superhero/supernatural movie.  A good idea, with a mediocre 3rd act, that made money at the box office and has even the casual fan, myself, interested in a sequel.  Now there are so many places you could go with a sequel but when Max Landis presented his script that explored the entire universe of the movie, the studio, much like four year olds before their nap, came back with, "No, we want another Chronicle," meaning they wanted another re-hash instead of an evolution of the story.  Hangover II was a re-hash, literally the exact same movie, just in a different place.  So how could a Wedding Crashers II be successful?  The main success is from the likability of the cast, so don't change the cast.  Bring back Wilson, Vaughn, Fisher, and McAdams.  Maybe add in a small cameo by Walken and Cooper, but just focus on the main four.  Next, don't make this another Wedding Crashers I, what interests me about this idea is not to see another Wedding Crashers, but rather to see the continued storyline of these four characters.  How the hell will these two fornicators survive in real relationships, what happens when kids become involved, will they resort back to their partying days or actually become, you know, adults.  Essentially give me a This is 40 for Wedding Crashers II.  This is 40 is technically the sequel to Knocked Up, but really not at all.  I want to see an extension of these characters.  And it could work.  The problem with This is 40 was that we were told people wanted to see the couple characters from Knocked Up, but really no one actually did.  Unfortunately the funniest part of This is 40 is the get away hotel scene…which is this exact same scene from Knocked Up, when Rudd and Rogen escape to Vegas.  Wedding Crashers II, don't do that to me.  Capitalize on the success of the first film by evolving, not copying.  

2.  Cloverfield II

Bet he has an opinion

This one is short and too the point.  I loved Cloverfield and obviously I wasn't the only one because a 25 million dollar budget made over 170 million dollars.  Give me a found footage of the same event but from the perspective of a young army recruit trying to save civilians.   You can get the same person to person story, but without the romantic angle.  Also who doesn't want to see another Blair Witch meets Godzilla found footage?

3.  Truman's Decision

This concept isn't based on any previous movie but rather the event.  I want to see a movie about the end of World War II and Truman's Decision to drop the bombs.  It had to have been the hardest decision an United States President has ever made, right or wrong, and it drastically changed the world forever.  There is a book, Off the Record: The Private Papers of Harry S Truman by Robert Ferrell.  The book includes excerpts from Truman's Diary including one for July 25, 1945:  "It [A-bombs] seems to be the most terrible thing ever discovered, but it can be made the most useful…"  This would be a chilling look at American History.  I would cast Anthony Hopkins or if you wanted younger, wait five years and cast Matt Damon.    

Bloody Sock played by Sean Bean

4.  Miracle on Dirt 2004

How have we not had a look at the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series in film yet.  If you described the Yankee Series alone it sounds like a movie, the bloody sock, the historic comeback, the hated rival.  It screams for a movie to be made.  Focus on the series alone and give major roles to actors playing Epstein, Steinbrenner, Schilling(although he already has too much of an ego), Jeter, and Varitek.   

5.  The Policewoman

That's a Badass

Technically this movie has been made before, but it was a bio-pic and filmed in 1914.  It is the story of Alice Stebbens Wells, the first woman police officer for the LAPD.  In 1910, Wells garnered national attention when she managed to get on the force.  The subsequent movie was widely popular.  Her career spanned forty years and which included many important rights for women argued and implemented.  Her story has gone untold and should be told today.  

6.  The Pig

The actual title for this would be the Prequel to Kingdom of Heaven, but really it would be an equal because it happened at the same time.  I know that a lot of people liked Kingdom of Heaven, I was not one of them.  I didn't hate it but despised the depiction of Baldwin IV of Jerusalem.  It turned Baldwin, well-played by Edward Norton, into a wimp, hiding behind a mask.  This was not the real Baldwin IV.  Born suffering from Leprosy, most believed he would not reign more than a year.  At age 13 he took the crown and reigned for 11 years.  He was a brilliant political mind, setting up marriages and alliances that solidified his families power.  Also when he did not renew the Saladin Treaty which the wars in Kingdom of Heaven are based on, not only did he fight in his own battles, but won many, riding on horseback.  The Muslims nicknamed him The Pig.  And he never wore a mask.  He was not ashamed of what and who he was.  I want to see a movie about him and his wars.  Not the other way around.   

Not that Michael Jordan

7.  Logan's Run Reboot

Logan's Run was originally made in 1976 and was as box office success starring Michael York, Peter Ustinov, and briefly, Farrah Fawcett.  Since its inception many studios have tried to reboot the film including a season long television show.  Already the studios are working with a great plot however they have decided to go with movies such as Justin Timberlake's In Time, instead.  Logan's Run is set in a dystopian world, but an utopian society.  Everyone lives in a glass domed city and lives with all the pleasures of life, with one catch.  When the crystal in their hands tell them they have reached 30 years old, they voluntarily allow themselves to be executed and then "reborn."  When someone reaches their date and chooses to run, a group of sandmen must chase them down and bring them to their respective ends.  York plays Logan 5, a sandman, who in searching for a group known as "sanctuary" has his crystal activated and must run.  It is a rather brilliant conceit and for those of us who like looking at dystopian concepts, it's really great.  I suggest anyone/everyone should see it, but I would tell you to read the book first.  The book, which must be the basis for the reboot instead of the original movie.  The book by William Nolan and George Johnson is much different but the key difference is age.  Everyone dies when they are 21.  The studios thought 21 would be too shocking so they changed the age to 30, but 21 offers such an important piece of the puzzle.  21 means that there is no concept of history.  If no one reaches past that age, history of the world would no longer exist.  It is also the age, today, when we believe a person truly becomes an adult (which is bullshit).  Age would be a big factor.  The other major thing a reboot must include would be a smaller studio.  This should not be a major budget film because they would ruin it.  A smaller movie, maybe even a found footage would suffice.  Finally you need to get young talent, not just young in their age because they would need to play people under the age of 21, but young aspiring talent.  Not Selena Gomez or anyone from the CW.  I would cast Michael B Jordan, Shailene Woodley, and Asa Butterfield.  So studios make a small budget, highly talented, book oriented movie.  

Quarter of a Century: The Ten Commandments of Grant Freeman

Within a few short minutes a long awaited dream will come true.  I will finally be able to rent a car without having to pay under age fees.  Hooray.  My life is now complete.  As I turn twenty-five, I look back on the last quarter century with a depression-less stare on my formative years that were anything but depression-less.  But nevertheless I have learned.  I have grown and in my growth I have seen a world filled with turmoil both social and personal, I have felt a sense of overwhelming dread about the days to come, but I remain vigilant in the belief that if my first twenty-five years were difficult, that the next twenty-five will serve as the best of my life.  When I was under the malaise of sorrow and despair I could have never dreamed of even reaching twenty-five.  Twenty-five seemed as distant as the peak of Kilimanjaro, but as I reach the threshold and peer off onto the horizon those days of sorrow seem like an alien life.  I am not the man I was nor am I the man I will be, but today I am who I am and I will celebrate turning a quarter century.  

As a proud, but cautious, member of the human race I have grown in many more ways than just age and so on my twenty-fifth birthday I wish to share with you my commandments, the ten ways in which I hope others will choose to live their lives.  I may die tomorrow or live to reach triple-digits, but no matter what the outcome of my life, these are the values and words I will choose to leave behind.

10.  Sometimes the good ones die and there is no rhyme or reason to it

I could bore you with my philosophy on organized religion and therefore faith in general, but even if your religion tells you that a friend's death is all part of "God's Plan," there is still no real reason for it, or at least no reason anyone alive will ever understand or know.  It happens far too often.  The aspiring photographer shot down in a failed robbery, the twenty year old college student who slipped on a ledge, the wind on top of a roof that ended in disaster, the leukemia that had no business being in such a person.  It happens.  Too often we sit and ask our higher powers why these terrors occur, but at the end of the day even if you are one who believes in God's Plan (I am not one) there is still no purpose in trying to understand it.  Why does this morbid truth exist within the commandments of living?  Well it teaches us that we must cherish every single moment we have with those closest to us.  Never leave a conversation in hate.  Find a common ground.  Make sure those who mean the most always know their importance in your life, because you never know when you will have to write a graduation speech or a eulogy.  Live.  Live with your heart open.

9.  Those that fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

I am of course paraphrasing the famous quote by Churchill or Santayana or whom ever takes credit for making it.  This is as much societal as it is personal.  Today, people as a collective are far to focused on the now and while that may sound like a good thing, living in the moment and all, people are too focused on the instant.  Twitter, Facebook, this blog, the national media.  If it's not current, it's unimportant.  While there are great benefits for this instantaneous source of information it takes us much too far into a Logan's Run universe where history has been eradicated.  I am a better man today because I learned from the man I used to be.  At a young age we learn that when we fall off our bike we get up and try again, only different.  Why can't our government go back to learning how to ride a tricycle?

8.  Addiction is a disease that shouldn't be fatal.

As the son of a known recovering addict I am proud to see the benefits of overcoming your addictions one day at a time.  This has been a great backbone for me as I try and start a new diet and exercise routine to combat my addiction with food.  But it is not without the days of true heartbreak.  Of crying in your car and beating the horn.  The ones that get through it are the ones that survive.  As humans, we all have that necessity to live within our hearts and souls, but too often we allow these addictive diseases to overcome our minds.  Always remember who you are and what you want to accomplish.  It will guide you through your demons and into the sunshine.  

7.  A job is what you do, a career is what you love to do.

An immediate contradiction appears when you think of the father who works on the construction crew in order to support his kids.  But here we think of this crew as his career, even if he works on it for three decades, unless he truly loves it, it is just his job.  His career is being a father.  I may work the odd job again like when I was a janitor or a paper boy or shop employee (ages 16, 17, and 18), but those will never be my career.  My career is theatre.  It has and always will be theatre.  I don't do theatre because I want too but because I need too.  I need too with all facets of my soul.  What theatre gives to me, what it can bring to society, I don't just want to be apart of its evolution, but I need to be.  I was born to be.  Which goes into number 6.

6.  Don't fight what's in your blood.

Theatre is in mine, well creativity is in mine so I will choose not to fight it.  But my fight was at its core a different matter.  For years I fought an inevitable truth that I knew one day would succumb me, but today it hasn't succumbed me, but instead I have embraced it.  I was born to be a teacher.  I was never forced or even told to be a teacher.  I may have been encouraged but never was it implied in more than the passing, "hey, you would make a great teacher."  Today, for the first time, I can finally agree with them.  I was born to be a teacher.  A great one, who knows, but a teacher nonetheless.  If you were born to be a doctor, an actor, a farmer, it doesn't matter.  Don't fight your mind, your heart, and your soul.  You will always lose and end up unhappy.  

5.  Live life, don't watch it.

In short, experience your life.  Or to steal from a great movie.  "Carpe Diem, sieve the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."  Make sure life is a verb for you.  Seize the day.  

4.  Romantic love is extraordinarily rare, when you have it, hold onto it.

I had that love once and I let it go for petty and ultimately stupid reasons.  I don't believe that we live in a sea of fish in which many people can make our souls whole.  But I also don't believe in "the one."  I am sure that there are multiple people out there for everyone, but it is rare in one's lifetime to see that perfect match.  So when you do have that perfection hold onto it.  Hold that love like it's air, like life cannot exist without it.  Love with such passion that makes the heavens bow down to your hearts.  Love and be loved and cherish that love every single second of every single day.  

3.  Appreciating family allows you to live longer.

Really all this needs to read is as follows, "family, a must have."  Your parents are imperfect.  Your siblings can make your blood boil and your extended family can be as distant as strangers, but we all need to make the effort, not just to love, but to create a community around that love.  My parents bug me, but I love them.  Not because they are my parents, or because they are perfect, they aren't, but because they have never gone a single day where they told me that following my dreams was a stupid idea.  I love my brother and sister.  They bug me.  But I love them all the same.  Both have a rare quality of being absolutely genuine human beings.  Both are my heroes.  And I love my friends.  And my friends are my family as much as my blood.  My extended family that includes Jen, Ann, Mariah, Sarah, Zak, Stephen, Taylor, and many more.  My PNW family with Dan, Kai, Yusuf, Riles, Griffin, Daniel, Bob, and many more.  My Iowa family of Amy, Braden, Duane, Paul, Brandon, Noble, Ginger, Hew, Jammie, and many more.  My MCT family that is far too many to mention.  My Arizona, my dance, my VCU, my Puget Sound, my, my, my family.  They are the reasons why I exist.  Surround yourself with love and you will live a life of true worth.  

2.  The journey is always better than the destination.

Through its trials and tribulations.  Its torn skin and broken bones.  Its tears and its ecstatic joy.  Life is living.  Let me die while I am still alive.  If I should ever die before my time, do not weep for me, for I was out on an adventure, an adventure worth living for.  

1.  Always Believe

Thanks Noah.  Never stop believing in a brighter tomorrow, in a brighter today.  When the government disappoints you, participate in its reconstruction and self discovery.  When anger fills your mind, actively push it away.  When hate finds you, for friendships, race, gender, sex, marriage, kids, work, arguments, stress, broken cars, death, prejudice, ignorance, or depression; seek out love.  Never stop believing in your world and in yourself.  

Twenty-five years down.  Tomorrow is twenty-five years and one day.  Live on the horizon of your dreams.  

MCT Family Helped Save My Life, Help Save Our Family

America Loves MacKenzie

This week I had written a review of the movie Man of Steel, but something more pressing came up.  

I grew up in small town Iowa.  I was different from all of my classmates.  I was and still am quite large.  I was very democratic, but more importantly I was very outspoken.  This led to being bullied to the point of police action, outcast to a certain degree, and most importantly it led to a childhood of sadness and broken dreams.  I was a very depressed child and unfortunately I was also suicidal; making multiple attempts in high school.  Now I write all of this down not because I like to share, but because of a magical opportunity that helped change all of this.  In middle school, I auditioned for a traveling theatre company's production of Treasure Island and was cast as "Big Blue" the pirate.  The company was MCT.  Missoula Children's Theatre.

MCT was created in the early 70's by two brilliant men, Jim Caron and Don Collins.  In the summer of 1970 Jim was driving from Chicago to Oregon when his car broke down in Missoula, Montana.  He saw a poster for Man of La Mancha and on a whim auditioned.  He was cast and there he met Don Collins.  The two went on to create MCT.  

MCT

After the production of Treasure Island, I was asked by the director to audition for their summer camp the following year.  He told me that two camps, one for older and one for younger came together and in two weeks put on a full musical show.  Not knowing anything I auditioned and got in.  

The first summer we did America and the second we did Once on this Island.  Both summers I did not enjoy myself very much and swore off the camp.  At the time I was in my ninth and tenth grade years, the height of my depression.  There were three friends, Quincey Smith, Chase Van Epps, and Joshua Farmer who all told me to try one more year.  The next year I would move up to the older kids camp on South Shore and I was told the environment was more creating a show and becoming a family.  I said yes.  Thank God.  

In my Senior year of college I stopped participating in MCT because of work.  At that point I had been involved in, one way or another, 10 years of MCT; as an actor and as a counselor.  Looking back, those 20 weeks are the best 20 weeks of my life.  Without a doubt, MCT, the production staff and camp staff, and my friends saved my life.  They gave me something to look forward to every year and eventually, what I learned there affected the rest of my life.

Today I am happy to report that I am happy, depression free for up to a year.  Yes I still get angry and sad, but those feelings are only temporary.  MCT SAVED MY LIFE.

And now I am writing this post to try and help save a member of our family.  

Throughout the years I have lost touch with many members of camp but every now and then one will surface on my computer screen and we will re-connect.  I would try to name all of them but it would easily require multiple hours to write them all down.  

We are a family.  Yes from time to time we may lose track of one another but then Kate Fox will run into you in the Minneapolis Airport.  Or Bo Mellinger will star in a show in Seattle.  You will see most of Katy Jenkins college shows and go out to lunch with Chris Boyd in Chicago.  Reunions will be packed and visits will last a lifetime.  From BBQ in Jacksonville with the Jacobson sisters to Dinner in Missoula with everyone.  Some will even become brothers and sisters of yours like Ann Herrold.  But they will always be in your heart for good.  

This past week on July 3rd one of our sisters was in a terrible accident in Missoula.  She remains in the ICU and is battling for her life.  I write this blog to try and help her.

MacKenzie Lemcke is one of the good ones.  She has a strong heart and never, never stops using it.  She has a beautiful smile that lights up the room.  Her spunky can do attitude is always in full force.  She may offer you a place to stay when you are traveling through or buy you dinner.  She is kind when others are cruel, shows beauty when others display ugliness, and cares, always cares no matter what the situation.  Even if the situation is as small as not making fun of you when you order a White Zinfandel at MacKenzie River.  

Our family has dealt with loss.  Jenna Ness and Noah Ginnings.  Both lost before the prime of their lives.  We will not deal with it again.  MacKenzie is a fighter.

The last time I saw Noah he told me something that ever since has been my own personal motto, as I sign off any email with the same two words.  "Always believe."

One thing that I will always believe in is life.  I will always believe that as long as breath exists, life will flourish.  But not without help.  I also will always believe in the kindness of strangers.  

I will post a link on this page to a GiveForward page (like Kickstarter, in a way) that has been created to raise money for MacKenzie.  I know I will be donating but I ask any of my friends and anyone out there to please give money towards her recovery.  MCT is a family, but ultimately the Theatre Community is one big family and when one of us is hurt we should do whatever we need to do in order to heal them.  I am not a person who generally asks for money, for myself or any other cause, but I make special consideration here.  

Thank you.

Grant Freeman

"Always Believe"

America Loves MacKenzie

WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD V. 1

A weekly segment on my Facebook page has jumped to my blog for the week and expanded.  I present the Worst People in the news of the past two weeks.

THE LIST

10.  Roy Hibbert:  Starting 5 big man for the Indiana Pacers, Hibbert managed to turn a miraculous beat down of the Heat in Game 7 into a homophobic, media beatdown that left everyone scratching their heads.  An otherwise polite, supposedly, kind young man, in his post game conference used a homophobic curse and called the media, "mother-fuckers," while he later apologized and was fined $75,000 the overall message was clear; perception is more important than morality.  Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 earlier this season for mouthing a slur during a game.  Hibbert says it and gets a smaller fine.  Arguably he should have gotten a larger fine or suspended, but then the NBA would've answered to all the conspiracy nuts who would have called this an effort to get the Heat to the finals.  It is a shame that fans with misguided perceptions kept the NBA from demanding a higher standard for their players.  But for Hibbert, the unneeded scrutiny was ended on the court when Lebron James (also used a homophobic slur a few years ago) beat down the Pacers.  

9.  Christina Nance:  Mother of Amieya Renee Stewart.  Nance reported her daughter missing on Friday, May 31st after the four year old went missing from a family gathering in Richmond, California.  While a grieving mother looking for a child does not warrant scrutiny, her inability to understand her own daughter and common logic does.  After the police and dogs were sent for, Amieya was found…hiding under the bed.  Good work mom searching the house.  Relatives told the AP that she liked hiding, especially under beds.  

8.  Artie Kempner:  The Lead Director for Fox Sports NASCAR and NFL.  Kempner had to apologize for a camera cable that broke and fell on fans and the track at the Coca-Cola 600.  THe camera caused 10 injuries and damaged several cars.  This is a "sport" where cars drive around a track at ridiculous speeds trying to nudge passed each other to win a race.  Artie made sure that nylon drive cables were the most dangerous thing.  

7.  Karen Harrelson and Gregory Stambaugh:  I was upset when Game of Thrones killed my favorite character this week, but apparently not upset enough to attempt a similar action.  A couple, Karen and Greg, were arrested a week ago when the two could not agree on who should win American Idol and so the stabbed each other.  Apparently "beer, tequila, and a pint of scotch," was also involved.  Go figure.  

6.  Latasha Renee Love:  In Charlotte, love comes at a cost.  Latasha Love decided to use tough love on her 13 year old son when she had him arrested for stealing her pop-tart.  This one baffles the mind, wondering who is worse, the mother for utter stupidity or the police for taking part in utter stupidity.

5.  President E Gordon Gee:  As I am writing I have been told that the President of The Ohio State University will retire, which is wonderful.  Gee, who looks like a wanna-be Lou Holtz (ironic), came under fire when a recording got out of remarks he made including "The fathers are holy on Sunday, and they're holy hell on the rest of the week," Gee said. Later, he said, "You just can't trust those damn Catholics on a Thursday or a Friday, and so, literally, I can say that."  And, "You tell the SEC when they can learn to read and write, then they can figure out what we're doing."  The guy who looks like Erkel had a love affair with Bill Gates and then aged twenty years said that?  Good Riddance he's done.  

4.  Robert Ford:  Or should I say soon to be former South Carolina State Senator Robert Ford.  Last week it was Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto fucking up.  Now it's Robert Ford from South Carolina.  The state ethics committee found that he has misused thousands of campaign funds, the bulk of which he used to buy porn.  People wonder why I don't criticize enough Democrats, well if they pull this kind of shit I will continue to do so.  But hell he will probably get re-elected someday.  I mean, this is the state that Mark Sanford used state travel $$$ to fund his extramarital affair in Argentina.  The ex-governor who was elected to congress last month.

3.  M Night Shyamalan:  This makes me so happy.  I hate this director.  Not just because his movies are shitty but because he treats people like dirt and has a massive ego.  So very happy that yet another one of his movies, After Earth, flopped.  The creator/director of the masterpiece The Sixth Sense has gotten progressively shitt-ier as time has progressed.  Perhaps it is because his "villains" have been Aliens killed by water, trees, poor writing, and terrible plot progression.  Perhaps it is because he is an egomaniac.  Perhaps its because he is a talentless hack.  There are so many reasons why his movies are terrible.  It's like batting practice.  "Tell Merrill to swing away."

2.  Society:  Grumpy Cat now has a movie.  The world is officially ending.  After the ludicrously stupid internet hero "Grumpy Cat" won the Webby for Meme of the year, (the fact that this category exists is evidence enough to spark the coming apocalypse) the cat has garnered her own brand name products at Walmart, a full line of Friskies Cat Food, and a manager.  That's right.  It has a manager.  And soon a movie.  The name of the feline is actually tardar sauce, proving that at least one thing is dumber than the actually branding.  

1.  Michael R White Elementary School.  In Cleveland a group of adults, that's right adults were enjoying their kids "kindergarten graduation" when a fight broke out.  The idea of a Kindergarten Graduation is aggravating enough but now they can add aggravated rioting.  Two teenage girls began to fight and then six more adults joined in.  A hammer and multiple sticks are now part of evidence.  Eight people at Michael R White Elementary School are officially the worst people of the past two weeks.  

I'm Going to Bed

The doctor tells me I should start turning my computer off an hour before bed, dammit I should've done it tonight.  I don't hate Republicans or Democrats.  I don't hate people because of their skin color, religion, or favorite ice cream.  In fact I rarely hate anyone, although I would be lying if I were to say that I am entirely void of hatred.  Republicans, especially modern day Republicans in power annoy, irritate, and really piss me off the majority of the time today.  I think that the Republican party is disgusting, based on many of their current ideals.  However I know many a fine and wonderful Republican.  I am friends with many.  Tonight two of those are no longer my friends.  

I saw that two of my friends supported and found the "git er done" master's quote hilarious.  That is simply disgusting.  It's deplorable.  This is essentially joking that its a "smart" and "good" thing that Katrina hit the people it hit.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!  That is a joke that cost 1000 Americans their lives.  And you find it funny?  The worst thing is that you call yourselves "perfect Christians."  I have a feeling your God might have a slight problem with this kind of thought process.  This is like a member of the Occupy Movement saying, "the people who died in the world trade centers had it coming, because they were part of the wealthy."  Some might call this an exaggeration but I heartily disagree.  There is nothing funny about what happened in New Orleans.  Homes were destroyed, lives were lost, and hope was killed.  How dare you ever make a joke about their memories.  How dare you preach from your pulpit about Christ and his love and then turn around and agree with such senseless humor.  You two are massive hypocrites and I ask that God have mercy on your souls.

I'm really pissed off about this.  Like I said, no computer before bed.  

Hatred. Love. Acceptance. Respect. Jason Collins.

--I know that many of my friends, some close, will ultimately see this as an insult, a condemnation, perhaps a continuation from where I have been coming from, at least in rhetoric.  The only thing I will say in response is this:  I don't hate any of my friends.  I love each and every one of them.  Sometimes I just really don't like what they stand for.

I was 12 years old when my brother came out of the closet, a term that to this day still bugs me because

ultimately he didn't come out of any closet but instead just realized who he was and was proud of it.  If the term "coming out of the closet" means fully respecting yourself for who you are, then so be it.  When he came out I was attending a fundamentalist Christian conservative church.  I, myself, was never really a conservative but nevertheless that was where I chose to be at that particular time.  I was told, well "taught", by one of my elders that a murderer can repent, a rapist can repent, but a sin holier than both of those, than all the others was being a homosexual.  God defined it as wrong in his holy scripture.  So it was wrong.  I remember exactly where I was, who told me, what he said.  My brother came out.  I disowned him.  

Now what does disown him mean at age 12?  Well it meant, for me at least, that his soul was sent to eternal damnation.  Obviously as anyone who knows me I am not still that naive 12 year old boy.  (I'm still naive, but for other stuff).  I am a proud ally of the gay community.  And by proud ally that doesn't mean that every gay pride day I wear a rainbow pin.  It means that in my own way I work daily to fight for equality.  (Some days more than others).  But before I became the person I came to be today I had to go through four steps along the way.  Hatred.  Love.  Acceptance.  Respect.  

Hatred is a mixed bag so I will skip over it for the time being and move on to Love.  Love, in this context is a dangerous word.  Love is a word that allows Christians and Evangelicals to get off the hook.  Mark 12:31: Love thy neighbor as thyself.  There is no commandment greater than these.  See where love becomes sticky?  If the second commandment asks you to love your neighbor as you would yourself, many Christians believe that love does not need to come with acceptance.  So did I at a young age.  I could love my brother because he was my brother.  Forget that he is gay and just love him for being related to me.  In this context, love is a lie.  It is a smokescreen that covers the real problem which is that love isn't caring, understanding, acceptance, but instead love is ignoring.  If you love someone you can forget their flaws, as Christians see homosexuality to be a flaw.  (I also understand that not all Christians feel this way, so I apologize if you think that I am lumping all under the same umbrella).  Love is ignorance.  In this case at least.  

That is why you need acceptance.  Love without acceptance is pure folly.  If I were to say that I love you but still know that you will burn in eternal damnation than I really don't love you.  I have not accepted who you are because it does not fit my belief system.  Your justification is the Bible or the Torah, Book of Mormon, Qu'ran,  We look at Islam and say that acts of violence are a bastardization of the Qu'ran, but we don't look the same way when it comes to the Bible?  Talk about a double standard.  The KKK, Army of God, Christian Identity, Christian Patriot, Lambs of Christ, Concerned Christians, The Covenant, The Sword, and Arm of God, The Freemen Community, all have ties to terrorism and call themselves Christian.  Son of Sam murdered 10 women, called himself a born again Christian.  Jeffrey Dahmer, Watts, Bruce Lee, The Yorkshire Rapier, all called themselves Christian.  And this is the religion that condemns homosexuality?  Hitler was a Roman Catholic, Stalin was a Protestant Christian.  People look at the book Mein Kampf and consider it responsible for the death of 6 million Jews.  How many people have been killed in the name of the Bible?  Countless.  

All of this is not to say that Christianity is inherently wrong.  In each of these religions you can find scripture that calls for love, humanity, kindness, and understanding.  However terrorist factions can also find scripture that calls for death, destruction, and judgement.  Which brings me to Respect.

My final step in really truly loving my brother was the fact that I came to Respect him.  Not because he was gay, but because of who he was and is.  Everything, his sexual identity, his intellect, his kindness.  I love my brother.  We don't talk enough, that is partially his fault, but it is more so mine.  I hope this is something I can change in the future.  But is it because I love him, no, because I accept him, Hell no.  Acceptance is a way of saying that I am better than you, putting myself on a higher plain.  I accept you.  The reason why I care so much about him is because I love, accept, and respect him.  He is my equal.  Flawed in his own ways but never, Never because of who he loves.  Ultimately what my brother has gone through in some ways makes him my hero.  And in learning to truly love him, perhaps I learned how to love myself.

Which brings us to hatred and the jumpstart point for writing this.  Earlier this week Jason Collins came out of the closet making him the first MAN in major American professional sports to come out.  Collins is a journeyman, 12th man in the NBA.  Some critics have condemned him because they think he is using his 'coming out' to save his job.  He came out so he could be who he was born to be in public.  If part of it was to save his job, so be it.  It makes him no different than anyone else on the planet.  What I loved about his coming out was that the majority of the league and community reacted positively.  What I disliked were a few comments that made national news.

Chris Broussard on Monday's OTL, "I'm a Christian. I don't agree with homosexuality. I think it's a sin, as I think all sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman is.... If you're openly living in unrepentant sin, whatever it may be ... that's walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ."

Bryan Fischer on Focal Point (Pundit for AFA).  Fischer stated that having "an out, active homosexual" in the locker room would prompt fellow NBA players to avoid being on a team with Collins because he will be "eyeballing" them in the shower.

Tim Brando on Twitter.  "I'm hearing Collins is a HERO because he made history!  Ok as a Sports Commentator if I make a SEX tape is that History?  The word matters ok."

&

"Simple Being a a Christian White male over 50 that's raised a family means nothing in today's culture.  The sad truth.  Period."  

The backlash over the Chris Broussard comments were quite large but even larger was the backlash to the backlash.  For many he represent what one of my friends called, "the biblical stance":  "It's nice to see someone in the national media take an unpopular (and Biblical) stance, and actually speak out on it. It's also great to see him call out the hypocritical intolerance towards people who are "intolerant" by having their own set of beliefs."  The fact that Broussard thinks this way is unfortunate and saddening to me personally but I still choose to tolerate it; much in the same way I choose to tolerate the words of hatred spewed by the KKK because I respect the First Amendment.  If anyone called Broussard intolerant, I believe that they are mistaken.  If anyone called him ignorant.  I would agree.  Does this mean that I think all religious views are ignorant?  No.  Does it mean that I think all views on homosexuality that liken it to an abomination are ignorant?  Yes.  Ignorance means "a state of misunderstanding or lack of knowledge."  In my own belief I think that anyone who uses the bible in the same ways that it was used to defend slavery and racial discrimination is in fact ignorant.  Are they terrible people?  No.  But I will never agree with them.  Jason Collins is not 3/5ths of a man.  

On Bryan Fischer's statement, I cannot believe that this will be an issue.  The immediate thought is that if a homosexual is around men they will immediate start looking at their junk.  Are you kidding me?  The locker room is as much an office for athletes as anywhere else.  Perhaps Fischer is referring to the fact that 39 states can still fire you entirely because you are gay.  The logic behind locker room mentality is entirely bogus.  A locker room is not inherently sexual.  It is rather inherently smelly.

And Tim Brando.  This is the one that bothers me the most.  First of all how does a gay athlete change anything about being a Christian White Male over 50.  It doesn't.  As most Religious followers would tell you the most important relationship is a personal one between yourself and God.  How does someone else's lifestyle play into your own life?  The real problem with his comments is that he compares a sex tape to Hero, claiming that Collins is not a hero.  I, personally, do not feel that he is a hero, but do feel he did something heroic.  1/3rd of teenage suicides are linked to sexual identity and over 60% of children put into child rescues are kicked out because of sexual identity.  If one child does not die because they look up to Jason Collins and his actions…that's heroic.  

This is a topic that is quite obviously at the forefront of my thought process.  I feel that our real problem comes from the binary.  Heteronormality is a theory that deals with sex and gender from a hetero  perspective.  The dominant culture is viewed through the lens of heteronormality.  To be straight is to be normal.  To be male is normal, while to be 'other' is to be odd or as it were queer.  From this perspective the binary is the problem, the narrative exists not because it is true but rather because of hegemonic practices that an individual imposes a mythical perception of that narrative on themselves.  Irigaray looks at this issue through the logic of sameness meaning that society looks at woman as man's other.  This narrative becomes an issue because the binary is entirely hegemonic with such examples as woman to man or straight to gay.  Another issue that this raises is that although sex, gender, and sexual orientation are three entirely separate things; sex dealing with biology, gender dealing with cultural behavior, and sexual orientation dealing with sexual attraction, too often does society view the biological issue of sex through heteronormality.  Male, female, and intersex  should be viewed through biology not through a binary that opposes male and female and labels intersex as the other or as an outlier.  Gay should not be synonymous with the lesser.  The binary must be struck down between 'gay' vs. 'straight.'

This is a hot button issue.  It will be debated for a long time to come and I will always be willing to have a conversation on the topic, but three things are certain to me:  Being Gay is not unnatural, it's part of human DNA, under the law human beings should be able to love amy type of person, and I love my brother.  Oh.  And I love you too.  

P.S.  Congrats to Rhode Island and Delaware…C'mon Minnesota!